PERSPECTIVES
MISS • DISMISS • MINIMIZE — how many signals do we lose before we really hear them?
Not every signal requires action. But sometimes we miss it, dismiss it or minimize it before we even check whether it has something important to tell us.
Important things do not always arrive with fanfare. There is rarely a giant message saying: “ATTENTION. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE.” Often, they arrive quietly. As: “Interesting…” “Maybe…” “Something about this doesn’t feel right…” “I would actually like to…” And before we have had time to look more closely, the signal disappears. Not necessarily because it was irrelevant. Sometimes because an automatic response arrived first.
MISS
I do not notice. Someone suggests that you join a new project. For a second, you think:
“That could actually be interesting.” Then your phone vibrates. Three urgent tasks need attention. Everyday life resumes. Several days later, the opportunity has moved on. You did not decide to reject it. You did not really decide anything. Your attention simply did not stay with it long enough. And that can be interesting in coaching. Not: “Why didn’t you do it?” But: “What appeared in your attention for that one second?”
DISMISS
This time, you notice. But almost immediately another voice arrives: “That’s ridiculous.” “That’s not for me.” “I don’t have the right experience.” “It’s too late.” “I’m not that kind of person.” The possibility was noticed. And instantly judged. That does not mean the judgement is necessarily wrong. The opportunity genuinely may not be right for you. But there is a difference between: I explored it and consciously decided no and: my automatic response said no before curiosity had a chance to arrive. In the second case, the interesting question is not yet:
“Should you do it?” It is: “What made you close that possibility so quickly?”
MINIMIZE
This can be even more subtle. We notice the signal. Then reduce its importance. Something about your work has bothered you for months. You answer yourself: “It’s not really that bad.” Someone crosses a boundary again. “There’s no point making a big deal out of it.” You feel proud after doing something you have wanted to try for years. “Anyone could have done that.” That last one matters too. We do not only minimize problems. We can minimize success. Compliments. Achievements. Our courage. Our needs. Our wants.
Signal ≠ instruction
There is an important distinction here. Noticing a signal does not mean you have to follow it. Not every frustration means: “Quit your job.” Not every curiosity means: “Change your career.” Not every discomfort means: “This relationship is wrong.” Not every thought requires immediate action. A signal is not an instruction. But it may be information. And when we automatically miss, dismiss or minimize it, we lose the opportunity to consciously decide what we actually want to do with it.
Between the signal and the response
That is the space I find most interesting. SIGNAL ↓ AUTOMATIC RESPONSE ↓ PAUSE ↓ AWARENESS ↓ CHOICE The pause does not guarantee a good decision. It offers something else. The possibility that the decision is genuinely yours. You may ultimately say: “No.” You may say: “Yes.” You may say: “I don’t know yet.” You may decide the signal really was not important. But this time the automatic response does not get to make that choice on your behalf.
Three questions worth staying with
When something appears briefly: What just caught my attention? When you immediately reject something: What is fact here — and what is my instant interpretation? When you hear yourself saying “it’s no big deal”: What am I making smaller than it actually feels? Not because everything contains a hidden message. But because sometimes something deserves a little more attention before we let it disappear.
MISS • DISMISS • MINIMIZE — inspired by the teachings of Colleen-Joy / InnerLifeSkills. The scenarios and reflective questions in this article were developed independently.
Explore the interactive MISS • DISMISS • MINIMIZE exercise →